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Submitted on
January 2, 2013


19 (who?)
I would appreciate it if you read this to the very end, and possibly add a comment.

I'm not sure if the story of how I became a writer is an odd or interesting one, but I've been thinking about some things lately, and I decided to share it with you all.

I was either nine or ten, and I had just began to see the use of computers. 90% of my friends had a MySpace. MSN Chat, or whatever, and even though I didn't exactly want those, I wanted to "surf the web" all on my own. So, after much begging of my parents, I finally got an hour on our crappy old desktop. I was ecstatic. You want to know what the first thing I Googled was?

"Pokemon Sir Aaron love story."

I had just gotten the movie Pokemon: Lucario and the Mystery of Mew. I had "fallen in love," or what my young mind deemed as love, with the character of Sir Aaron. Why I decided to type in "love story," I'll never really know, but it lead me to this little site called The first fanfiction I ever read was one titled "R.O.A.D: Return of Aaron Dragon!" by MR. Duellist. I'm pretty sure they deleted their profile, but that story was what made me fall in love with fanfiction, and the idea of writing.

So, I thought to myself, let's do a little of this ourselves, Bridget!

I found a notebook and immediately began my own fanfiction--a tale of me being the strongest Trainer to have ever lived, and everyone loved me. I made myself into the most Mary Sue-ish thing you could think of...and Mew was my mother. Yep. My ten-year-old brain was a creative genius.

Anyway. I wrote a lot of crappy little fanfics in a multitude of notebooks over the year of sixth grade, and I slowly began to become more infatuated with writing. I believed I had a talent for it, per se, and decided that it would be the career I would pursue. By the time seventh grade rolled around, I was the most weeaboo little freak you could ever think of. I ran like the ninjas do in Naruto during PE. I pretended I was an alchemist like Edward Elric. I daydreamed about defeating all the bullies at my school with my team of legendary Pokemon. I talked about anime, manga, fanfiction and the like NON. STOP. And that's when everyone at my small Catholic school of twenty people per class began to shun me even more than they already did. I had always been the center of bullying because I had the tendency to be a crybaby and have an overactive imagination that presented itself constantly during school, so my new love for anime and fanfiction and the like just gave them their ultimate weapon to use against me.

I tolerated the bullying in seventh grade with my head held high because I believed that once I was a successful writer, everyone would look back on those days and feel guilty. But deep inside? It hurt. I felt like my heart was tearing into every time I was ridiculed by my classmates, friends, and even teachers. My Catholic school always preached "God's love" and all that shit, but frankly it was the exact opposite. I think that's when my love for demonic things and general dislike of religion truly began--as a well to "rebel" against a system that was supposed to make me feel better, but when in fact it did the complete opposite.

Eighth grade year, I had toned down a bit. I had begun to post my stories on (all Naruto, of course), and people liked them. That had satisfied me, so I kept my fangirlish ways inside me more than I had the previous year. A good friend of mine joined me in my fanfiction endeavor, and we believed ourselves to be the most popular Naruto fanfiction authors ever.

Then high school came.

Freshman year, I was scared, unsure, and just all-around petrified of what to do. My high school isn't that big, really, but I had come from a small Catholic school where we had been with the same group of kids for eight years. It was a tough change for me. To make matters friend who wrote stories with me completely abandoned me. She called me childish and immature, and threw away the notebooks we had been working on for almost two years. She didn't want to be around me, because she was scared that if I talked one word about anime or manga, her new jock friends would look at her like the freak I was. I was completely distraught. I cried every day when I came home from school, and I slowly began to withdraw from everyone around me. That's when my depression really decided to rear its ugly head and give me a formal hello, and it's never really left me to this day, either.

Eventually we patched things up, but I had learned some hard lessons. One: to not overdue it when talking about the world of anime in public, because let's be honest...a lot of the world despises it. Two: that my stories were absolutely overdone and idiotic, and it was a shame I became "popular" on them. Three: I had to start focusing on original stories and not fanfiction if I wanted to become a famous writer.

And so began my struggle to attempt to be a mature writer. I tried to start my own stories, but they always fell flat, and I would lose interest. So, I went back to fanfiction, and this time I tried my hardest to make everything a believable, not over-done story that I would be proud of when people enjoyed it. I still made a lot of mistakes, of course, but I like to believe I was slowly getting better with my words.

And then sophomore year approached. The year I found Hetalia.

The weeaboo in me returned.

I became obsessed. Ideas constantly floated into my head, and I was always thinking about Hetalia. Hetalia became my drug. It was unhealthy. I started to overdo it yet again with talking about my love for anime and manga in public, and my friends got increasingly annoyed. And I was too thick headed to see it.

And then, low and behold, I found a new style of writing that I immediately took a liking too...

Reader inserts.

They were fascinating to a little weeaboo freak like me. A story where you are the main character? And one where your favorite characters lavish steamy romance onto you? I loved every aspect of it. I began to write nothing but fanservice-y reader inserts, and that's when my Hetalia "fame" truly began. I forgot about my previous declare to write fanfictions that would carry some semblance of a message with them, and became focused on only reader inserts and smut and fluff and everything that anyone out of the Hetalia fandom cringes at. I became one of "those" writers--the ones that I now shake my head at sadly.

But the happiness writing reader inserts and plotless smut gave me was just a bandage for a disease. My depression came back in full force because suddenly I realized, "This is not what I promised myself I was going to do with my life." All those original story ideas I had wanted to write down were gone, replaced by nothing but make out scenes and poorly written sex. I tried my damnedest to continue being the fanservice writer I had become, but it was no use. To me, writing was the only thing I could do, and here I was, fucking it all up.

During the summer, I broke down. Hard. I hated myself for what I had become. I felt childish. Stupid. Immature. Everything I had told myself I was going to grow out of. I cried constantly. I continuously wanted to hurt myself. Everything started to fall apart, because yet again I had withdrawn and become a hermit who did nothing but sit in her house all day and write stupid, useless fanfiction rather than hanging out with the friends I tried so hard to keep.

Fastforward to a few months ago, when the lemon purge happened. I was pissed--utterly, extremely pissed. "THIS STUFF MADE ME POPULAR AND NOW THEY'RE GONE OH MY FUCKING GOD MY LIFE IS OVER." That was pretty much what ran through my head for an entire day.

But then...I thought about it.

What's the use of writing smut and the like? It's nothing but plotless fanservice that really gets you nowhere in life. Especially when it's fanfiction. I looked back on my writing and became completely disgusted with myself--hell, I almost deleted everything in a fit of revulsion. But then I calmed down, and in the span of five minutes, I'd like to say I matured.

I decided to write as correctly and properly as I could so I could still say things like "learn how to write" and be justified, since I would make the same mistakes I constantly belittled in others' writing. I decided to stop with the fanservice, and for the remainder of my fanfiction career, I would try to always write something that either had some sort of message or was just absolutely as original as possible. I felt like it would be the best thing to slowly worm my way out of the depression I had put myself into. At last, I began my hand at poetry and the like, and found I truly enjoyed it.

Now, all I need to do is seriously start working on the original stories that have piled up in the back of my mind; one day finish them, and take them to get published, and...hope for the best.

So that's the story of my writing career from then to now. I left quite a few things out, but this journal has already become obnoxiously long, so that's okay.

...I really would appreciate a word or two if you read this whole thing. It feels good to finally get this off of my chest, and I just want to see what people think of it.

Thank you.
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Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh, yes. I think we have somewhat similar lives. I'm, right now, in my last year at a Catholic grammar school, but I spent the first four years of my schooling in a public school. I feel you on the writing--I had a few friends, or at least I thought I did, but I find that friends can leave you easily. Really easily. It's hard to find a good friend who'll always stick with you, no matter what. I had a writing buddy in fourth grade, and although we promised to call and keep writing our original stories, we never did call... one example of how "best buddies" can be easily separated, even when bonded by something like writing. We took our writing seriously, very seriously, but we ended up being split up when I moved schools. Apparently, that's when I stopped writing original things. I used to be full of original ideas.

I think I found fanfiction in what--fifth grade? I was on too, for a while, and I wrote a bunch of stupid stuff for Hetalia that makes me want to throw up when I look back at them. And boy, when I started writing reader-inserts, I was really into a Mary-Sue mode. Horrifyingly buried deep into a pit that I created myself.

I'd like to say that I was the strong type when it came to bullying and sensitivity, but, eh... no. In fifth grade, I got a good sense of what it was like to be at the bottom. For God's sake, it was the first year that I was in a Catholic grammar school and I already had been teased, and someone stole my notebooks and wrote stupid and not-very-nice things in them. I guess you could say I was teased because I was a writer, and for some reason, the writer was labelled geek/nerd. Or maybe it was because, afterwards, I became an anime fanfiction writer that I overdid it?

Even now I look back to my anime days and think, "Wow. I was one crazy *bleep* back then." Come to think of it, I still have the weeaboo charm, and it's not exactly a great thing to have handy.

But it gets better. After I took up reader-inserts, I started to improve my writing and try to form a style. I ended up going after several things: plot, detail, and a good voice. After starting the ClaudexReaderxSebastian, I started to go uphill. That piece was a great improvement for me.

But in earlier this year, I got into poetry because of an assignment: once a week, we have to do something for our spelling unit to earn points for grading. One of the items was to write poetry, so I gave it a shot. My first attempts were horrible, but I got better (I think?). It really got my emotions out, and I learnt new things from it.

Life can throw tons of obstacles at you, but you've just got to learn to dodge them or overturn them and go on. During this Christmas break, I finally found a few inspirations for original stories, which I realise that I haven't been writing for a long time. Sure, a short anecdote or short story here or there, but never a full book. I'm working on each obstacle in my life, starting from writing all the way up to depression and family matters.

Things get better as you move along, and although it seems that life throws one thing after another at you, you never should give up--seriously, people underestimate the power of determination.

Find a goal, put your efforts into it, and make it there, and slowly all your problems will fade. Once you make it and mature a bit, you'll see that the problems that once seemed gigantic will be more of an anthill than a mountain.

You're a great writer, and you've always been one of my favourite fanfiction and original authors, if not the best.

I'd like to say, keep up the great work. You inspire me, and I'm sure that you can overcome all these problems. I'll be looking forward to buying one of your original novels one day.
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer Thank you for sharing that. It makes me feel incredibly special for all those words. That's all I can say, really. Thank you.
Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Well, you deserved the special words. Frankly, I'm surprised that anyone on dA had a life so similar to what I've, so far, been through...
DarknessOnMyEyes Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I admit. I absolutely love Reader-inserts (currently, I guess). I try really hard not to be one of those authors, as you said, but it's... Hard. I think the only way for me not to be one of those is when I write sad stuff.
The main reason I look up to you? Because you can take something that doesn't belong to you, but add your own style and things, and make it look like something completely new and original. I kinda hope to become like you, someday. Not that I'll copy your writing style, because that would really defeat the point of trying to be original, but I'll read your work and try to come up with my own thing, my own ideas (Even though I have a lot of them, I can't get them into paper >.< It's like for you, I lose interest rather quickly). You're really a true inspiration :)
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you for the words. I never really thought that people would see my work as something to be admired, but with everyone saying these's kind of getting through to me.
DarknessOnMyEyes Featured By Owner Jan 7, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
No problem :) I'm only, like always, telling the truth. Well, I understand those people, seeing as I'm one of them. Your work is truly amazing.
HeyLuna Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
This is truly inspiring. I love to read Reader-inserts (though some are just so... gah). I would love to make some, but I fear that it would come out rather stupid, poor written and such. The thing that impresses me the most is your struggle to get out of it, or at least keep it original.

I would love to read your own original stories someday! Please keep up the had work, and remember that all your watchers love you!
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you very much.
LilRedBird101 Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013   General Artist
I haven't really written any fanfic down (though I've tried I just get caught up in other things); they're all just in my head. But I've told my pals about them and they accept them after all our group is basically a collaboration of different personalities and intrests so there's really not any 'in' or 'out'. I'm sorry it's been so rough for you, but I'm REEEAAALLLYYY glad it's better now. MENTAL HUGS ALL AROUND!!
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 3, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Yay hugs!
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