So I did something I never thought I'd do

I read my writing out loud in front of my class.

I won't say what it was, but it's one of the poems on here that is extremely personal to me. I managed to read all the way through it and then I freaked out and ran out of the room. I hid in the bathroom for twenty minutes, crying and panicking and thinking things like, "Fuck, this is so humiliating! Why did I do that? Not only will they know how shitty my writing is, but they now know how I really feel!" I was terrified. Absolutely terrified. 

And then one of my classmates walked into the bathroom. She coaxed me out of the stall and helped calm me down and hugged me and said that as soon as I ran out of the room, everyone basically said, "Holy shit. That was one of the best things I've ever heard." She walked me back to the room (I was shaking and still crying and I felt like I was going to die fuck I was so scared) and 20+ people who I never thought would ever react to poetry--especially mine--were smiling at me. Everyone, including the teacher, told me that I was brave. That I can write. That what I wrote was beautiful and fantastic. 

Not gonna lie, I felt mixed emotions. I was shocked that so many people responded positively. It's different reading comments online rather than hearing them with my own ears, from faces that I've known for a few years but have never really talked to. I was embarrassed because like I mentioned before, an entire class knows what's in my heart--and it's not good. But I was also so fucking happy. That people liked my writing. That people understood.

Fuck, typing this out and remembering yesterday is going to make me tear up again. I'm just extremely emotional from all the stress of school and life and am prone to crying at the simplest thing as of late.

But this made me realize something. Writing is what I need to do. Maybe not as a career, but I need to keep going at it as a hobby at the very least. As a passion. Yeah, right now I need a break until I feel like it's the proper time to try it again...but I want to continue to do it.

I just felt like I'd share that. Sorry if I'm being annoying.