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Submitted on
September 2, 2013
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I

Catholic school can really fuck you up.
Petty insults; 
 “you have ugly hair”
  “got milk?”
Breasts at the age of nine.

Bullying makes you someone you don’t want to become;
hide all that blackness in your heart
with overly cheerful hyperactive personalities
 (that make others think you’re a little strange),
quickly forgotten.

Friends can’t tell when you just want to
scream
 and cry
  and be alone
because of how deep you’ve dug yourself in.

Afraid of yourself, you think and think, and THINK,
until you are terrified you’re going to give in
to those dark thoughts -
  (and if you do, then you’re just numb afterwards. 
Staring at hands blankly).

II

Faith in everything, the world, God, 
 people around you,
  yourself;
all you can see is horror.
You hide it, fake it, pretend to be okay.

Why would anyone care to listen?
Just one person of billions
with worse problems than you thinking you’re
 fat
 ugly
 useless
 desperate----

Days where you want to die
because of the slow span of ten years
building up into one sickening supernova
 of self-loathing.
  Of depression.

Cry for no reason,
break down,
all that torture has whittled you down.
No matter how hard you resist -
      “Why me?”

III

All you want is love,
 strength,
  someone to be there on really bad days.
You want to drive a knife through the priest’s heart
for all the bullshit hope he preaches -

you just want to quit
  (you can’t,
  because maybe
   just maybe
   there’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

and that light will be brighter
the harder you try.)
You’ll finally soar out of that hole
and make it -
  to a life you always wanted. 


You will.


I wasn't going to upload this but today was kind of a bad day at work and when I read this I got happier somewhat.

`KathrynODriscoll gave me the topic of being bullied a couple of days ago to see if I could write a bunch to get out of my writer's block. She turned my paragraphs into a poem so all credit for the arrangement of words go to her lovely soul. :heart:

This is all true.

For everyone out there who has felt this way...

I know. It hurts. A lot.

But you'll make it. You will.

I'm still struggling but I've yet to give up completely.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsomeonesecho:
i don't know if you remembered, but i mentioned once that your work is beautiful, and i don't use that word lightly

and for some reason i keep thinking of that word while and after reading all your works so far.
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:iconsuffocationxjay:
SuffocationXJay Mar 19, 2014  Student Digital Artist
Absolutely beautiful.
I agree with you on every single aspect.

Thank you.
Reply
:iconwolfiethefox:
WolfieTheFox Feb 18, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Absolutely stunning how this is written Heart  so very personal and so very accurate, I was nearly in tears when I read it 
Reply
:iconbrokengod--veins:
brokengod--veins Nov 1, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you. Just--thank you. 

I go to a Catholic school myself, and the road wasn't easy-but now I was able to cope and somehow I've been a lot happier going to school, and I really don't know why.

Thank you. :huggle:
Reply
:iconselena112:
Selena112 Oct 15, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
This is the first time in ten years I've been happy to go to school.
This is the first time in ten years I've been able to sit in a class or walk down a hallway, not afraid that someone's going to throw something at me, whether it's words or something a little less abstract.
This is the first time in ten years that I've been able to look at myself, and see more than dead eyes and an angry, miserable frown.
This is the first time in my life that I've been able to go from saying, "I will," to "I can."

Thank you for writing this. It's beautiful and really speaks to me. You are a very gifted writer.
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
Congratulations on you DLD! :clap:
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you so much!
Reply
:iconpomohippie7:
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
this is beautiful <3 congratulations on the dld
Reply
:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Oct 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
thank you Maddie <3
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