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Literature Devious Collection by Oriole-of-Silver


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November 18, 2012
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Dear guardian angel,

Don't be too offended by this, but...are you even real? Are you watching me type this out right now, this second, like you should be? Or are you just some entity that is said to exist, but in reality, it's just a lie?

I want to know, if you are real, then why haven't I exactly gotten the guidance I need lately. Why haven't you protected me, like you're said to do, from all the things in my life that make me feel like I'm dying inside?

Why haven't you protected me from myself?

If you have tried, then, well...obviously you haven't tried hard enough for me to realize it or sense it.

Please. Try harder.

If you are truly real, guardian angel, then you know about my beliefs. You know that all those religious ideals that were drilled into me from the first day I could comprehend what the word "God" meant are slowly being replaced by nothing but cynical skeptism. You know that sometimes I would rather put what "faith" I do have in demons as opposed to angels, just because from what I've read and heard about, at least they keep their promises. Even if they do twist and distort said promises to benefit only them.

What are you really, guardian angel? Do you have wings and a halo? Or do you have horns and a forked tail?

Are you shaking your head in sadness right now, guardian angel? Or are you smirking in triumph? I would like to know, to be honest. I would like to know that if everything in the world can be solved with a simple prayer, then why is this world plagued with war, famine, pain, and all those wretched things you see on TV--the scenarios with the spokesperson asking for donations and the "moving" music in the background.

Why hasn't anything been done?

...can you even answer these things?

Hah...I doubt you can't. Why would you answer them if you really existed, anyway? You never made yourself known before--what makes this time around any different?

If guardian angels are real, then you're all doing a horrible job at keeping your charges from feeling like their world is turning to shit. Pardon my language, but since you're my guardian angel, then you know I have the mouth of a sailor.

I want something to believe in, guardian angel. Something worth believing in. Something that will make this sensation of slowly dying on the inside stop. Something that will bring the old me back--the happy, carefree, old me that always smiled and laughed and never let anything bother her. I miss her, you know. I miss her more than anything I have ever missed, I think. Because if you're real, guardian angel, then you know the me that is here right now is not the genuine me.

I'm begging you, guardian angel. All those nights I prayed and cried myself to sleep, all those days I find myself staring off into the distance thinking about all of this...I'm begging you.

Help me change things to make it better. Help me return back to the way I used to be. Help me stop thinking the world is out to get me, and that no one cares.

All I'm asking for is for you to help me, guardian angel.

Can you do that for me?

Signed,

the me that is not me anymore
I found this letter that I wrote a few days ago in my pajama drawer. It had been on actual paper, and I remember writing it. I had been...well, obviously I had been very upset that day, and I'd rather not go into why.

I probably shouldn't upload this to dA. But, frankly, after typing it all out...I just had to.

Who knows? Maybe if I do have a guardian angel, after putting this out for everyone to see, they will help me.

I know I don't have the absolute worst life that can be had out there. But that doesn't mean that it feels like it to me.

I just want to stop feeling this way.
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:iconiiskieemarie:
iiSkieeMarie Featured By Owner Sep 18, 2014  New member
I love this.
I'm just sorry that you feel this way.
Stay strong, Lovely.
It will get better. I promise.
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:iconlupiniunstar:
LupiniunStar Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2013
This is really wonderful and heartbreaking, you know? I love it so much.

I don't really have a religion. I've been to different churches with friends, and I'm not sure I quite agree with what the churches say.

Sometimes I have my doubts, but usually I believe in God. But do I believe in guardian angels? I'm not quite sure. Not with what's happened to me, to people around me...

I hope they're real though.

And I hope, most of all, yours helps you.
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:iconiron-weevil:
IRON-WEEVIL Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013
This is just my opinion....
but i do believe in guardian angels... and i believe they do not ever leave us... they just dont protect us 100 percent of the time,... for if they did... then we would not know how to take care of ourselves. so they may let us endure hardship... but they will never let us take on more then we can handle....
just my thought.....
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:iconbeyondtheforbidden:
BeyondTheForbidden Featured By Owner Dec 7, 2012
Faith is funny, isn't?

Usually I hear people complain to God than they do angels. But, your situation is actually quite different. Yet, something I have seen through family relatives, such as my only two brothers and myself a bit. Anyway, I know where you are coming from, in a strange way. From what I can tell, you are struggling for dear life and want to climb out of the deep hole you're in. In a way, you remind me of someone I know. But, enough about that.

Listen, and I do hope you read this comment.

Your woes, your sorrow, your pain, your fury...are caused by evil, such as the Devil and his annoying minions. It's true they apparently do keep their end of the bargain when deals are made, HOWEVER it will always come with a undesirable price. With God and angels, a price is nearly impossible, they would only want your devotion, love, and joyful service.

Sorry if I sound too preachy thus far, but bare with me.

Your Guardian Angel is possible, but it's not confirmed in the bible as far as I know. It's been said that God and his angels will watch over you and etc. But, I' not sure if God assigned you a specific angel. Either way, you're basically reaching out for the Heavens. And, God still loves you very much, and I assure you he is in sorrow of what you are going through. He feels your sadness, I assure you well.

Now, to get rid of this non-genuine you, it's going to be a challenge. From what I read, you've been undergoing this depression for quite sometime. That means you are in a deep hole, but let me say it's not impossible to climb out. It's good that you're praying for guidance. But, you cannot start doubting his power, that would make your prayers hypocritical. You have to be patient, while for the time being you need to find what triggered your depression.

The demons are making your life miserable, it's a possibility that they are even preventing you from receiving guidance by giving you doubts. You have to fight, you don't want to fall for the wicked, you have to be determined while you try to have a better outlook in life. You have to start working on yourself besides praying for guidance, when you work on yourself (and, I mean, really try to get out of your mood) and search your sorrow, that's when God will guide you. You have to believe, then your bond between you and God will be strong. And, then, and only then will you climb out of the treacherous hole, while you manage to escape the demons' horrible game.

In my religion, the world has been taken over by Satan. Satan is the cause of all misery, all murdering, and everything else evil. But, God is still watching over his children, and even if Satan is in rule, God has promised he will take the Earth back. All he wants us to do for now is be close to him, make him your life, follow his advice, search answers because that's what God wants you to do, and spread his words to mankind to make him known. If we follow these steps, you will be protected by him than ever before.

But, you possibly question then: "But, wait, isn't God supposed to be powerful? Why let Satan rule? Why can't he just stop the pain I'm feeling?"

Life would be so much easier then, wouldn't it? But, sadly, Adam and Eve ate the fruit, causing us to be born as sinners, therefore we live miserably because of that. God allows free-will to his creations, so it's up to you to follow God or not. God doesn't want misery for you, but he allows it to happen because it happened on free-will and He can't take away that from us. Though, that particular free-will was not by you but possibly the people around you. And, the free-will of the demons too...they can be put on the blame more. As for why Satan is in rule, it's because after Adam and Eve, Satan manipulated people to follow his own will, he becoming our unrighteous king soon enough by causing ideas of war and other deadly things. Satan can't make people go into war or kill or force, all he can really do is persuade you in that direction and manipulate you that God is your enemy or He simply doesn't exist. Satan laughs when people are in doubt or people turning away from God, knowing when the world ends, they will be dragged down with him.

I do not want this to happen to anyone. And, I don't want this to happen to you, nor do I want you to feel miserable.

Please, try to fight those negative feelings and make yourself look towards a brighter direction. God still loves you and he will guide you in due time, you just have to strongly believe in him and keep at it until you die.

Also...I'm not sure if you're searching any religions or not, but let me tell you what I have the beliefs in. In case you are curious. I have the beliefs of the Jehovah's Witnesses. And, if you did read my entire comment and possibly agree then I need to tell you something else. When the Jehovah's Witnesses knock on your door, answer it and tell them your problem. I'm sure they will give better advice than I did. And, they will answer through scriptures, the messages from Jehovah himself.

If you have any more problems, I am willing to listen and advice the best I could. I'm not sure if you still feel this way, but I needed to share my thoughts here.

Thank you for reading
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:icond0rkgasm:
D0RKGASM Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
And I don't know how much this means to you, I really don't, all I hope is that it helps, and that maybe—just maybe—we can help each other out of this darkness that we have fallen so deeply into.
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:icond0rkgasm:
D0RKGASM Featured By Owner Dec 2, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I can relate. I really can. I feel the exact same way. I do sometimes wonder if we would be better putting our faith in demons, instead of angels. I know how potentially idiotic that could be. But you can't blame me for wondering. No one can blame you for wondering, either. Nothing is right anymore. I'm not myself, just as you aren't, and I can sympathize. I'm not just going to say something short, something simple, because I feel, like me, you need to understand that you aren't the only one who feels the exact same way. And you aren't. And ehen you don't have your guardian angel there, I suppose you could turn to me. I can't help you through everything physically, but I can at least try to talk you through it.

Because my faith is waning day by day, and the more that happens, I think the more faith I am actually putting in demons. Not such a wonderful thing, no.

Though when your family doesn't even seem to be there for you, what can you do, instead of fall?
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:iconminecraftbob:
minecraftbob Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012
im beginin to think that guardian angels are just there to watch, and if we die, they MIGHT take us to heaven. i dont like the odds.
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:iconshadowrider327:
shadowrider327 Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I like this a lot. I can relate.
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:icondrawn2pencils:
drawn2pencils Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
I also used to believe in guardian angles but have turned cynical. Now I believe we are born and we die and everything inbetween happens based on the decisions we make. I now strive to make better decisions, but still hope that my guardian angel is poking me towards the right one.
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:iconprussianpersephone:
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Nov 19, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I'm cynical as hell, now.
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