I know I always say that I don't have the right words, because I really don't...
But I'm going to try and put them down right now.
Growing up in the age of the Internet, we were always told to be wary and watch out. Since, you know, everyone is a perverted old man waiting to come and kidnap you.
But frankly...you guys are the best friends I have ever had. Through the emails, videos, phone calls, FaceTimes, etc...
You guys are the only reason I haven't completely given up yet.
I just want you all to know that sometimes I wish I could just rip off the screen and jump into it, so there wasn't hundreds of miles between us like there is now. Then we could say the words out loud, face-to-face, within hugging distance. And cling to one another like little girls while finally crying together like we really need.
Thank you for actually caring. Thank you for not giving up on me, when all I want to do is exactly that. Thank you for being there to listen to my fears and worries, when no one on my side of the screen seems to give a shit.
I'm sorry that sometimes I get so bad that I don't talk to you for days on end. I'm sorry that sometimes I say something and don't respond, and I worry you to no end that I will never reply again. I'm sorry that all I do now is constantly cut myself down and say hurtful things or whine and complain about my "wretched" life when you have your own shit to deal with.
I really am sorry.
But I know you guys are my true, honest, and genuine friends, because you haven't left or given up on me yet.
I love you guys so much.
And right now, when I'm at my worst, you're the real I'm continuing on, because I honestly am so selfish that I want to keep living so I can hear more of the words that make everything just a little bit better.
Thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.
I promise someday that the only barrier between us will be air, because these screens won't exist and we'll be hugging and crying and laughing like we always wanted.