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Submitted on
February 18
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when i was ten years old my
teacher asked the class,
"if you were god, what would
you change?"

and i remember
biting my lip so hard
that it bled. carefully,
i wrote about
how i would teach
kids from an early age on how to
love yourself and no one
else and that there is no such thing as
an almighty power that will pity
you and answer your desperate prayers
at three a.m. because you're the only one
who has that kind of control.

when i handed it in she just looked
at me like i was the
monsters under
her child's bed. the next day i
was sitting in her office wondering
why it was so wrong to
talk about what's in your heart at a catholic
school when that's what the priest tells
you to do at every sunday mass and
the teacher asked me
another question, "do you
hate god?" and i
wanted to scream "yes, yes!" because
how can a god let the world
slip through their fingers like this one has?

but instead i answered,
"no. i just don't think there is one."
and sat in the chair,
staring at the cross on the wall and
wondering what would happen if we all
just stopped breathing.
For those who know me, you'll know that Catholic school fucked me up. This is just something that I've been remembering a lot lately now that so many around me are either sick, dying or already dead.

I think now if someone asked me, "If you were god, what would you change?" I would just close my eyes and say,

"Everything."

edit one: Oi I realize this is a controversial subject but c'mon people. Be grown ups about this. No attacking one another in the comments for their beliefs. I don't mind getting a little flack for this since I wrote it but calling out others and being rude? Not okay. Be mature guys. Really. 

Edit two: Alright folks, I've disabled comments after seeing all the animosity floating around. As I stated before, it's perfectly fine to give me hate for writing my own opinions but to start fights with other people who had nothing to do with this? That's where I draw the line.

I should explain. I think that religion is a great thing; it's just not for me after all the discrepancy I experienced going to a catholic school that my fairly religious mother sent me to. Do you believe in God? Good, I'm glad you have that faith! Do you not? That's fine too, it's your decision.

What's not okay is threatening to kill people for what they believe in. For telling them their opinions are wrong and that they'll go to hell or whatever divine form of torment you think exists. It's not okay to be a total ignorant asshole and think your beliefs alone are the most important.

I still go to my local youth group. Those there know I don't necessarily believe everything in the bible but I'm still able to voice my opinion and have great talks with them. Because they're mature enough to accept my opinion while I accept theirs. Hell, when I once stated that I think that there's not just one god but every deity ever thought of by humans exists and they're all around us just waiting for us to stop fighting and start loving one another, practically all of them agreed that it could be possible. And these are catholics, people. I'm baptized, confirmed, and all that jazz. But, as I stated before, because back at my catholic school my teachers would basically tell me God hated me because I was always bullied and my parents were constantly fighting, I've lost my faith. I've tried to rekindle it but now that I'm eighteen, I know it's just not the path for me. My path is accepting what other people believe in as long as they don't try to shove it down my throat, be happy for them, and hope they do the same for me. 

You can call me whatever you want but when I see you doing the same to others, then I get pissed. So no more comments. If you would like to bring up something with me personally then do so in a private note. I love hearing what others think on this subject as long as you are respectful and do not diss me for what I believe in. If you do that, then I'll treat you the same.

Okay rant over. Go read something better than my apparent bashing of religion when really it's just me trying to say what's in my heart.
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