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literature and anime stuffs by crooked-clockwork

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Submitted on
December 22, 2013


1,246 (2 today)
69 (who?)

9:06 p.m.
      the eyes in the mirror won't stop staring back at me.

9:11 p.m.
      is that really me?

9:23 p.m.
      those can't be my lips. they're too ugly.

9:31 p.m.
      and my cheeks. who would ever want to caress those things?

9:46 p.m.
      i need to get up. goddammit, stop looking at yourself!

9:58 p.m.
      no. no. no. no. no. no. no.

10:13 p.m.
       hah. i've become like narcissus. wonder where my echo is?

10:27 p.m.
       fuck. fuck this. fuck me. fuck everyone.

10:38 p.m.
       why can't this all just stop already?

10:44 p.m.
      don't you dare cry you pathetic, ugly, disgusting creature.

10:50 p.m.
       i'll never find what i want to see.
A piece from my secret series on my Tumblr. I experimented a bit with style on this one and I genuinely was pleased with the result. Thus, I decided to post it up on here. Most of my secret series on Tumblr don't go on here because I feel like they don't belong.

The secret?

"For the past week and a half, every night at 9:06 I’ve been sitting in front of the mirror just staring into my own eyes. Its 10:50 and I just got up. I feel like crying because I didn’t find anything I was looking for. Anything, anyone could love."

More secrets here:

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Critique by AJ-Dion Dec 22, 2013, 8:15:42 PM
I really do like this. Excellent style and brilliant impact. The 10:13 bit was a little confusing around the last phrase. "wonder why my echo is?" Interesting turn of words. I do like it. Hoping it isn't a typo. LOL
I also really like the subject matter and identify with it a lot. I have lost count of the number of times I have done the 10:27 thing.
Only thing I can say in a semi negative way is I wish it continued on. It is one of those pieces that feels like it need a bit more to finish it. But that is just how it feels to me when I read it. Apart from that, I love it. Nicely done.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
10 out of 11 deviants thought this was fair.

Far from the conventional structures of traditional poetry and unique from the concepts of modern poetry, It is 10:50 pm by PrussianPersephone utilizes a style that is completely the deviant's own to differentiate from other works.

Beginning with a phrase that ties straight back to the title ("9:06 p.m."), the poem brings to mind the techniques of the infamous Sylvia Plath in her poems such as I am Vertical. But the deviant does not linger on this connection, intentional or not, but leaps straight into the crux of the matter: "the eyes in the mirror won't stop staring back at me." Continuing from this phrase is the rhetorical question, "Is that really me?" This generates sympathy within the reader, a response that becomes stronger as the poem spirals along.

For me, the best part of the poem was "10:13 p.m.", where the allusion to Narcissus is both self-deprecating and blackly humorous. It is in this instant that the deviant allows the reader ambivalence in their reaction to the poem.

It is 10:50 p.m. may be seen as too dark for the tastes of some readers. For me, however, the unfamiliar structure and fantastical atmosphere of this poem is a bracing, pleasant breeze of surprise. Well done.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
8 out of 9 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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RueTris Featured By Owner Apr 19, 2014  Student Photographer
Don't be so hard on yourself, there is something about everyone to love. Don't just look at the negatives. :hug:
prettyflour Featured By Owner Mar 10, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Hey there,

:iconprettyflour: here on behalf of :iconpoeticalcondition: with the critique you requested.

I am so glad that you decided to experiment with this style. This is such a unique way to tell a story. I honestly don't have any constructive criticism to offer- I find this is perfect as in.  The subject matter is relatable, the story powerful.  Well done!
haphazardmelody Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This really is a good format for what you were trying to communicate here. I've been guilty of this myself. We all need to learn to love ourselves a little more and criticize ourselves a little less. :heart:
evetyran Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student General Artist
I really hope that you don't mind, but I used this poem for a poem analysis thing ^^; I credited you, but I'll take it down if you don't feel comfortable with it.
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
I sure as hell don't mind, I'm touched actually! is it for school?
evetyran Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2014  Student General Artist
Yus :3
Espada-Kitsuki Featured By Owner Dec 28, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
A little not so optimistic, but hey, I like this stuff. ;n;
Mis-tl Featured By Owner Dec 27, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Oh look, another one of your amazing pieces to add to my collection of favorites! I love your work so much ;~;
anila73 Featured By Owner Dec 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer

I can't say how much I like this.
PrussianPersephone Featured By Owner Dec 23, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Thank you <3
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