And let me tell you that I am absolutely terrified.
I've never been good at change when it comes to school. The transition from a shitty catholic school to high school was a breaking point in my life when I was at my lowest. I didn't talk to anyone, I constantly cried myself to sleep at night, I didn't care about my grades and let them slip until the last second...I'm scared that the same will happen when college starts.
And this summer I had so much planned. But I didn't do any of it. The stories I meant to write? Not even a word. The friends I was going to hang out with all the time? I barely texted them once a week. The weight I was going to lose? I gained more pounds from sitting on my fat ass and staring at a computer screen.
What if college isn't for me? What if I fail all my classes and have to pay even more than I already am? What if I lose all connection with my friends because I have no classes with any of them and I just can't really talk to them anymore because I don't know what to say?
I'm scared, dammit. I don't want to grow up anymore. I want to be childish and immature and not worry about paying car payments and insurance every fucking month on my minimum wage salary. I don't want to pay over $500 for textbooks when I rent all the used ones. I don't want to drive to the city where my college is at every day and worry about getting in an accident people no one there drives properly. I don't want to be surrounded by strangers.
I don't want to go to college. I don't think I'm good enough for it. School has always my worst enemy. Everyone always says I'm one of the smarter ones but they don't realize how difficult it is for me.