Three years ago I had the ability to write 5000+ words in four hours or less.
Two years ago I finished a 20+ chaptered fanfic in less than a year.
Now I can barely write a 500 word poem without it taking all day.
I just...feel so stuck and empty right now. I keep saying the same thing over and over again. I love writing and I want to keep doing it. I just can't. And I've been taking a break for the most part this summer in hopes of gaining my muse back but...to no avail.
And when college starts I know that I'll become so freaked out that I won't even be able to think about writing anything but essays.
How? How do people do it? How do people constantly write every day without getting burned out or tired of it?
I have all these plots and ideas and stories and characters in my head and the furthest they ever get is a short description in a google doc that will never be opened again most likely. I want them to be free and have some chance at living. But I just can't. fucking. write. anything.
I've tried following prompts upon prompts for both fanfics and prose and even poetry. It hasn't worked in the bit. And right now I really want to write a fanfic for the Transformers series because I got obsessed with it - I mean, the amount of hype I have for it right now is so intense and I should be able to get at least one chapter done with how pumped up and ready to write I am! But nope. nothing. My word documents remain blank and I can't write in notebooks because my handwriting is so horrible it would just mess things up.
I miss 15-year-old me. Sure, she was fucking stupid whose ideas were cliche and whose sense of grammar was way off. But at least she could write. At least she was 90% happy with what she wrote and most of her life. Now I'm just a bitter old teenager whose only talent lies in complaining about her life to people on the internet who really don't care.
Sorry. I'm just really angry with myself right now.